Motherhood
2020 as many of you know have been a pretty something year for anyone. This ravaging Covid-19 virus has just occupied our daily life. We had to adjust and reevaluate on what is important or not. As for me, 2020 is a blessing in disguise. I was pregnant at the end of 2019 and didn’t have any idea that next year Covid-19 came. For those of you who ask, yes, I have been mostly at home since March 2020. The first time I stepped outside my house was when I was giving birth at July 2020. so, imagine how I saw a lot of people still being so ignorant about this virus and went out?
Giving birth during Covid is traumatising. First off all, my plan of giving birth normal was non-existent because of the fear of the unknown: staying out too long at the hospital, couldn’t book a room in advance and so on, so on. So, I did a planned C-Section to give birth and man, it was a once in a lifetime experience. I was alone and this was my first major operation and bear in mind, I was alone. My husband couldn’t accompany me and that moral support was everything. When the painkiller kicked in, I panicked. Panicked as I was suffocating enough to feel that I couldn’t breathe. “My legs, my legs!” I shouted lightly to the nurse and the doctor told me that it was part of the process. I was scared that I prayed and prayed with a nurse whispered to me “it’s okay, trust God and it will be alright”. Another nurse held my hand as I requested it. I really am disappointed with my anesthesiologist as he didn’t help to calm me down. It was awkward and there’s nothing I can’t do. I prayed so hard that it calmed me down.
At that moment I knew that God was there and guided me to the process. Long story short, my baby girl was born. A perfect little being felt with love. We stayed together since day 1. I breastfed and let me tell you it was not easy. Nobody has ever told me that giving birth was harder than being pregnant. My breast had lesions all over the place so when she breastfed, I cried so hard for a few days. Added that imbalance hormones then you have what it called Post-partum Depression. I recalled one time someone at my CG told a ctory about her PPD journey and wanted to kill her child. Yup, it was real so real that I didn’t want to see my own baby. Nobody ever told me that. I think I should tell this story.
The first month was the hardest. I had the pressure to breastfed exclusively that it took on my mental and physical health. I got really sick twice with mastitis and had high fever which made me shiver at night. I had never shiver before. Right at that moment, I took charge of my life and prayed for the guidance of God. Thankfully, I had so many supports helping me with my child. I didn’t want to force myself to pump up breastmilk for every two hours. If I’m tired, I would ask help for someone to take care of her. I didn’t force myself to direct breastfed and it’s okay. I don’t want to punish myself or regret the decisions that I made. I am a mother and making mistakes are just fine.
We are so immune with following those mom-fluencers that we followed everything that they tell us as a sole information and the truth. I was pretty much fed up with them especially those who boast their own parenting style. Those information could discouraged mother who had low self-esteem and created a longer PPD which can be very dangerous. Trust yourself and seek help from your family or professional helps. If you can’t breast fed exclusively, that’s fine. Michelle Obama didn’t get to be breastfed and she’s an extraordinary woman. If you need to hire a nanny, that’s fine. Don’t believe everything to see and hear online. Mute them if you want as well. Remember: happy mom = happy child.
I would rant all day about my journey and it is still an ongoing on. I love my child more than anything and that unconditional love is what that’s matter. To all of mothers, mom-to be: you can do this! You are raising a new generation and that’s all that matters. What you do for your child is the best and never, ever compare yourself with any other mother or your child with anothe child.
